My right ACL was reconstructed in 2012. My left in early 2022. My left achilles in July 2024.
10 months post-achilles tear, I’m now thinking about what my end goal for rehab is. So far, the rehab has been as smooth as my past two knee surgeries were: no complications, no setbacks, and consistent progression. Day-to-day, I’ve been rehabilitated for many months now. Long walks, being on my feet all day, travelling, working out. None of those activities are affected. More recently, I’m back to running 5k’s (my favourite distance), more dynamic workouts that can include hopping or heavy suitcase carries. My left calf is still noticeably weaker, but that’s typical for 10 months post-injury.
I’m hitting a point where I want to start thinking about what I should aim for. What am I building toward this time?
When I tore my left ACL, I never doubted that I’d return to soccer. It could have been the nature of the injury, the experience I had with it, and the confidence that I can make a safe comeback.
This time, it isn’t as obvious. I don’t know if it’s the specific injury, but this time around I didn’t feel a clear drive to come back. It’s not for a lack of motivation as my rehab exemplifies, but there’s an absence of a “pull” that I’ve had in the past.
It’s true that my enjoyment of playing soccer has already begun to wind down. Years ago, I would sign up and play for any team on any night, subbing on random teams or participating in pick-up. That evolved into playing consistently with different friend groups, enjoying some a lot more than others. Ultimately, I settled on a co-ed friend group that I really enjoyed spending time and playing with, and it’s hard to imagine starting new with another team or subbing for others.
No pull this time around. I don’t know yet if I miss the sport itself, but I do miss the routine of being with friends. And so, it’s possible soccer evolved into a purely social activity for me over the years. When I decided to play with one team over another, it was because the sport was less about playing time and competition, and more about hanging out. This applies to squash as well: it was routine time with a friend catching up and having fun. Over recent years, I enjoyed soccer and squash most when it was time spent with people I like and friends.
That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the physical aspects of those sports; I loved getting into a flow state and pushing my legs. I’m an “active” person. I like to sweat and be out of breath.
So, should I return to soccer or squash? One factor I can’t ignore is the risk of re-injury. I probably don’t give as much weight to this aspect as I should. Another achilles tear is 4 months of strict limitations, cancelled plans, and starting from scratch again. I’m 30 now, and so far haven’t experienced the dreaded “my body not healing like it used to”, because I’ve always had injuries and I’ve always bounced back on an average or better timeline. Still, the reality is that no matter how or what I play, there’s a risk of injury and I’m not sure if it’s worth the gamble.
From this reflection, a few ideas have started to surface:
First, I need to let go of should. There’s no should in returning to sport, there’s only if I want to.
Second, the way I once played and enjoyed soccer and squash is already in the past. Over time, they evolved into a way to connect with friends.
Third, what I really care about is staying active and spending time with people I like.
Based on these realizations, I don’t need to “decide” to return to sport. It’s more important to let it re-emerge naturally. That might look like invitations and spectating at first, and later on, short substitutions on friends’ teams, which can help with my physical rehab too. But what matters more will be how it feels emotionally.
But, beyond the question of returning to sport, I might look for a new kind of consistent, repeatable ritual that I can share with friends. Maybe it’s a different, low-impact sport, or maybe it’s just coffee.
Whatever it is, it turns out that none of this is about whether to make a comeback.
It’s about what comes next.